I wish I could have back those tug 'o war moments on the grooming table when you reluctantly gave in to nail trimmings. What I wouldn't give to hear the paper rustling in the kitchen as you sampled the offerings in the trash can, when you thought no one heard. If I could hear your excited barking as birds fill the bushes, the sun highlighting their fluttering outlines on the ground. You bounced and bounced on those shadows until the grass gave up its attempt to grow and somehow I think it will remain that way for a long time.
I wish I could treat you with bites of the vanilla ice cream that you loved or the cookies from the jar whose only warning was the light ringing of the lid as I removed it. I wish I could place your special collar on your neck again because you always knew that it meant a ride in the van and you were standing by the door waiting to leave. Your seat in the van, "Monroe's seat," by the window so that you could lay, resting your head on the wooden ledge and watch everything happening outside. I could look back, see you curled up and know you were close.
I miss looking down alongside my chair as I sit at the computer and seeing you stretched out; just waiting for me to move on to my next chore. I can still remember having you lay beside me on the sofa as you watched for crumbs to fall from my plate; that pleading gaze for it just to happen. I wish that I could always feel you stretching out across my lap and feel your heart beating as we relaxed in the evening in front of the television. But I know that the memory of that feeling will soon be more difficult to recall and that is a painful thought to accept.
I want to relive the excitement of those special wins that took my breath away. I would so welcome that lump in my throat as I paced and waited for a judge to point to you and know that it meant that again your special qualities were recognized. To know that thrill will never again be mine except in recalling the memory of it is beyond difficult. You gave me more treasured moments in time and more happiness than any one person has a right to have and I might never get beyond missing them.
I wish I had just one more hour of one more day to hold you close and whisper in your ear the words I told you every day, "Mama loves you so much." We kept it simple, you and I. It was understood; sometimes with the soft touch of your face and sometimes with only a look into each other's eyes. It was all the more reason why I simply couldn't stop looking into the stillness of your eyes; watching for a flicker of recognition that never came. My heart fought so hard to hold on as your spirit softly moved from my world to another beyond my grasp.
I want to never forget what it felt like to have you in my life. You, my sweet girl, were a gift beyond any I have known. I miss you every day and it seems as if you were here beside me only minutes ago. And even though some time has passed the days are long and thoughts of you are my constant companions. I want to never forget the minutes and the days or the months and the years which haven't been nearly enough.
I want to never forget. In the deepest regions of my heart I know that I really never will. Your touch, your silent gaze and your warm breath upon my face will reach me in those quiet times when no one else is aware of the pain that visits my heart.
Multiple Best In Show/Multiple BISS/National Specialty Champion Shomberg's Some Like It Hot ROMX ... "Monroe"
March 29, 2000 -- September 13, 2008
It has taken me 5 years to complete this tribute to you, Monroe. It has taken my heart this time to be able to find the words. My heart still breaks with only the mention of your name and I think that it always will.
Rest well and watch for me someday, for I will always be watching for you.
..... "Mom" ..... September 13, 2013
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